"Trapped in a History We don't understand" -Brother Ali

It's funny. the way we grow up. How everything you saw, you remember thinking it was ok. or not even think about it once BECAUSE its ok. I remember in elementary school realizing that alcohol is bad. its bad for you, for your kids, bad for everyone. And because my dad drank, i figured- well, he's my dad. so its not a drug. its not bad. he wouldnt do something bad in front of me. hah. kids. now that I'm older, i've changed to thinking- well, he's my dad. it is bad, and i don't understand why he's doing it.. it's gotten far even for me to think that I hate him. And I shouldn't. I don't know if it's because I'm an adolescent and everything he happens to say is irritating or if it's honestly because i don't like the man. i try taking my mind to thinking things like "imagining me at his funeral.. would i cry?" and of course i would, it just reminds me that i do care for him. but the thing is, why do i have to think dark things like that to remind myself that i do love him. i honestly forget. because of what he does, and what he's done. i try to forgive and forget, but fuck it. "We're trapped in a history we don't understand" -Brother Ali. yes, he took the words right outta my mouth.