Sick Song. Hella Feeling it.

Symphonies (SupaDupa Mix Feat. Kid Cudi)
Dan Black

Straight Edge Anyone?

So, I decided I want to be straight edge. I already don't drink, and I've never made people know I do. At least not now. I hate alcohol. My family have a habit of selling their souls to drinks. and its ruined their lives. i know that, i dislike my brother and everytime i see him even a little faded i want to fucking cut his throat. violent? killer-ish? need therapy much?
no, i don't. im completely sane, and more awake than most of my fuckin family. i wont actually do it, i know im not. but im definitely prepared to protect myself and loved ones if he ever even thinks about harmful things. because i know he is. and he's the one who seriously needs therapy. i dont understand why my parents havent seen this, or anyone else. but i feel like he'll kill himself. or hurt someone. he called me a son of a bitch. he said he's going to "fucking kill" my other brother. he said my nephew is a "fucking fagget". hes seriously a danger to everyones life. and i hate him for that.
but thats beside the point. I'm straight edge. I shall no longer smoke. i shall never drink. i shall never pop pills. i shall never lower myself to be united with others, to feel apart of the in crowd who honestly only think about themselves anyways.
I think tlking with robert made it official. i have so much respect for him, so much appreciation that he isnt like other boys who do all that partying shit. twisted shit. and because of him, i feel like a little girl saying "i want to be him when i grow up". but i do. i dont want to be persuaded like other times. i want to be my own person. i want to me. and no one else.
Straight Edge Anyone?
pftt, fuck all you bitches. and your damn lives. as if i give a fuck about yall.

Gavin Bolds

When i opened this door, i had no idea what I'd see. No clue to who might be ringing the doorbell waiting for me.

"Gavin?" I said in shock, tears already creeping out of my eyes. Gavin? this tall boy can't be my brother. no, it can't. He left me, and if this was really him- he would've never came back.

"No, you're dead." I was beginning to have such a furry toward this person who thinks they can just walk around looking like Gavin.

"Mi hermanito querido. What are you talking about? I'm right here breathing."

this imposter had the nerve to come close and snag a hug. i pushed him off, lifted my finger to his face and said, "Look, you can't be here. you're dead you son of a bitch. you do you think you are?"

"Caleb, please. I'm so sorry. I am so very sorry I left like that. I.. well I didn't think.."

"That's right! you didn't think! Did you believe that I was gunna live honky dory without you here?"

He grabbed me with such force, i had no choice but to hug him back. I started to cry very hard and i burried my face into his chest.

"Mi hermanito querido. shhh...I know... Ya Ya no lloras. estoy aqui por siempre."

That's when I woke up. Back to reality where the dead really can't come back forever. That was the first dream I had of Gavin. My lost brother who couldn't take what was thrown at him. I never knew what was so wrong that made him go insane. He was just drowning in his own mind, and to save himself he just took his own life away.

It's been about eight months. And seeing his face, even in a dream, drained all the life outta me. So I pulled my legs to my chest and cried until i could rest again.

Maybe this time, I'll see him again and be ready to say Hello.

The Fall Of What Was Ever Called A Family

The damage. The hurt. The anger....This is it, it really is.
nothing will vanish, go away. The tension is imense.
You see, life's often described as a roller coaster.
With it's ups and downs, turns twisted all the way around.
but Life will never have that end, where you can take a breather.
No, it just keeps taking you on this ride that you may feel
like you might not make it this time around.
And right now, my life is at its climax- and I feel like it'll never be the same ever again.
No....not ever. not unless prohibition can rise once more, just for my sake
and others who are in the same situation as I.
And if you're not....well...Lucky you.

Hell, why wouldn't I just Show you the song?

Humans are Bigger than they're suppose to Be.

An excerp from a beautifully written song. i keep this part around me all the time, and i like speaking it to others and try to enlighten them. haha. the underground hip hop artists Zion i and the Grouch just say what i've always wanted to say to the people in my generation. And i just want to thank them. [:

Bad Lands by Zion i and The Grouch

..[BadLands]This is a place where babies are hooked on drugs

Before they see the light of day
A land where doctors'll necessarily cut them out their mothers' stomachs
Just to make more pay
Their fathers run away
Consumed with the most ignorant shit you can think of
Cuz it's been dangled in front their faces like a carrot to an ass
But still they know better, they're just too scared to be outcasts
It ain't about past; let's talk present and future
Fuck presidents, what do you do with your power, your control?
Control yourself
Going dumb's not really a movement, you're really going dumb
Look at the shit they play on the radio
And got the nerve to wonder why rappers keep dying in the streets
Stop putting 2pac and Biggie on magazines until you understand the significance of why they died
Don't ya'll get it? Humans are bigger than they're supposed to be
Check yourself before you come out the house holdin' a piece,
Runnin' off at the mouth, sayin' trendy shit like “yes sir” and “ye ye”
Like it's the only thing you know
Yea, that shit is fun but don't let it be the only thing you know
Ultimately, it won't get you anywhere and trying to get out of here
Leave these bad lands behind, get in touch with my spirit, my body, and mind
Cuz I'm divine
And if no one ever told you you were, well you are

And that's it.

"Trapped in a History We don't understand" -Brother Ali

It's funny. the way we grow up. How everything you saw, you remember thinking it was ok. or not even think about it once BECAUSE its ok. I remember in elementary school realizing that alcohol is bad. its bad for you, for your kids, bad for everyone. And because my dad drank, i figured- well, he's my dad. so its not a drug. its not bad. he wouldnt do something bad in front of me. hah. kids. now that I'm older, i've changed to thinking- well, he's my dad. it is bad, and i don't understand why he's doing it.. it's gotten far even for me to think that I hate him. And I shouldn't. I don't know if it's because I'm an adolescent and everything he happens to say is irritating or if it's honestly because i don't like the man. i try taking my mind to thinking things like "imagining me at his funeral.. would i cry?" and of course i would, it just reminds me that i do care for him. but the thing is, why do i have to think dark things like that to remind myself that i do love him. i honestly forget. because of what he does, and what he's done. i try to forgive and forget, but fuck it. "We're trapped in a history we don't understand" -Brother Ali. yes, he took the words right outta my mouth.